To the Old Biddies who are amazed when I do my job:

ladies (read: old bitches), im a freaking receptionist. im not given a lot to do, but im pretty sure i was hired because i wasnt gonna struggle my way through these tasks. so settle the fuck down about how fast i type or how im soooo good at helping you proofread. oh my god, isnt it unbelievable that i can tell when a word is spelled wrong or when something is in a different font or is italicized for no reason? i surprisingly enough dont think its an amazing feat. i dont put it on my resume or anything. so stop freaking complimenting me on my ability to see. it makes me feel like im working for retards... then again, maybe i am.
also, ive had enough of your fake nice comments that are actually a jab at my ability to do things. do you really think that after like 10 months of working here i wouldnt have learned how to save things to the document manager thingy? just because i saved something to my desktop so that i could work on it later does not mean that you need to teach me how to save it so everyone can access it. and when you stand like 5 feet down the hall and whisper when nobody but me is in earshot, i know youre talking about me. i know how much you gossip. if you really need to talk behind my back, go to the other end of the office. unlike me, you dont have to get permission to go someplace else.
and for god's sake, STOP REDOING INVENTORY. i check to see that we have everything like once a week. just because you cant find something does not mean it has to be ordered. look a little harder once in a while... open a drawer or look behind the half full box that you seem to think is almost empty. if we are almost out of something, then just tell me that. dont be all weird and give me a 3 minute speech about how you dont know if i checked in a while but we seem to be almost out of something or other. you seem to think that getting down to one unopened pack means i have to run out to the office supply store asap to pick up more stuff. settle the fuck down. we were no where near out of those things until you used like 25 of them on one freaking project. i really dont think that in the next day we're gonna use the rest of them.
i'll be nice to you and listen to your stupid little small talk... i'll smile and laugh at your jokes. but if you keep treating me like a child, i will seriously consider smacking you across the mouth.
just let me do my freaking job.

k, thanks,
cajones